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Abnormal Fatigue in Early Motherhood - When It's More Than Just Lack of Sleep

A screaming baby, far too little sleep, no time to yourself...... You could be forgiven for thinking that your constant fatigue is all part and parcel of being a new mum.

For many women it probably is as simple as that. But for some, tiredness in early motherhood could be a warning sign of a medical problem requiring attention..

So what health issues are likely to occur in the six to twelve months after giving birth?

Abnormal Fatigue in Early Motherhood - When It's More Than Just Lack of Sleep

Well firstly vitamin and mineral deficiencies are very common. The growing fetus will take all the nutrients it needs which can leave the mother in a state of deficiency postpartum. Add to that, breastfeeding, the stress of looking after a new baby and the likelihood that mum's diet may not be as good as it was previously and it's not difficult to see why women might become a little depleted! Common deficiencies affecting energy production include iron (especially if a lot of blood was lost during labour), Magnesium, co-enzyme Q10, zinc and B - vitamins. A qualified nutritional therapist can advise you on what can be checked for on the NHS and can arrange testing for any other nutrients you would like assessed.

Sex hormone imbalances are another common issue in the early days of motherhood and these imbalances may contribute to the feelings of fatigue which many women experience as their body tries to get back to its post pregnancy state. Unfortunately the 'coffee and cake' culture prevalent in the new mum community (yes, I've been there!) is unlikely to help as relying on simple sugars and stimulants (such as coffee and tea) can contribute to blood sugar imbalances which can exacerbate the problem further. Try to eat regular meals and snacks containing whole grains, protein and fibre to keep your sugars more balanced. Nutrients such as chromium and B vitamins may also help although you may wish to take advice if you are breastfeeding

Another often overlooked reason for fatigue after childbirth is abnormal thyroid function and a condition called postpartum thyroiditis affects around 5-10% of women. Postpartum thyroiditis is thought to be an autoimmune problem in which the immune system attacks the thyroid gland causing the thyroid to malfunction. What typically happens is that initially (usually between one to four months after delivery), the thyroid becomes overactive (called hyperthyroidism) and symptoms such as unusual weight loss, anxiety, palpitations and irritability occur. Since many of these symptoms might be associated with the stresses and strains of having a new baby, this phase often goes unnoticed and can last for between one to three months. Then later on (around four to eight months after delivery) the thyroid often becomes underactive (hypothyroidism) leading to problems such as weight gain, constipation, tiredness, intolerance of the cold, depression and poor exercise tolerance. Although many women will experience both the over active and underactive stages of the disease, some women will only experience symptoms of hyperthyroidism, while others will only show signs of hypothyroidism. Most women do resume normal thyroid function within twelve to eighteen months from the onset of symptoms, although around 20% of women will suffer from a permanently underactive thyroid.

It is worth mentioning that thyroid function has to be quite severely impaired before any problems will be picked up by NHS blood tests. This is because the 'normal' UK thyroid range is quite broad compared with other countries. Also in the UK we only tend to check for Thyroid Stimulating Hormone and Thyroxine, while the active form of the hormone is Tri-iodothyronine (otherwise known as T3 ). If you think that you may have an underative thyroid but your results come back normal then it may be worth getting in touch with a nutritional therapist who can help you to assess your T3 levels and support your thyroid through targeted supplementation and appropriate diet. If stress is an issue (and let's face it, having a new baby is pretty stressful!) then supplements can be recommended to support your adrenal glands (the glands which produce your stress hormones) which in turn may help improve your thyroid function. If you are breastfeeding then do bear in mind that it is worth taking advice on any supplements that you take as some may be dangerous for your baby.

It's not just the thyroid though which can cause problems for new mums. Interestingly women who have recently given birth are at increased risk of autoimmune problems generally. Conditions such as multiple sclerosis, sarcoidosis and lupus (all of which cause fatigue) are all more likely to occur postpartum, although thankfully these are all relatively rare. Perhaps one of the most common autoimmune conditions to occur in recent mothers is rheumatoid arthritis. While the most obvious symptoms is joint pain and swelling, it is often forgotten that rheumatoid arthritis is a systemic disease and problems such as tiredness and general malaise are common. If you are suffering from any joint related issues it is worth checking with your GP to rule out this condition. Don't panic though- joint problems are relatively common after pregnancy and have a number of different causes.

So to conclude, if you are suffering from unexplained fatigue postpartum, then don't feel that you just have to grin and bear it. Seeking advice can help you get to the route of the problem enabling you to take steps to restore your energy. More importantly it might prevent an existing condition from deteriorating further. After all you need all the energy you can get to look after a new born!

Abnormal Fatigue in Early Motherhood - When It's More Than Just Lack of Sleep
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Paula Werrett is an experienced nutritionist, tutor and health writer specialising in areas such as chronic fatigue, thyroid health, digestive disorders, infertility, hormone problems and chronic diseases. For more information or to view our extensive range of health tests and other products visit http://www.thenutritionlink.co.uk

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Second Pregnancy - What to Expect

Congratulations on your second pregnancy! So you are going to be a mother again! Motherhood is a wonderful feeling indeed. You must be wondering, in what ways your experience is going to differ from your first one. Also, since your body is older than the first time around, you might also be anxious about possible complications. Here are a few things to expect during your second pregnancy period, and some cautions that you need to take, to ensure that everything is smooth sailing.

Changes In Your Body Different From Your First Pregnancy:

Emotional Adjustments For Yourself And Your Family:

Second Pregnancy - What to Expect

Complications That Might Arise

So all you second-time moms, hope your first experience makes you less anxious than before. You are now better aware of the diets you need to follow, the exercises you need to do in order to ensure that you experience a risk-free second pregnancy. Consult your OB, try and stay updated about any new tests or medications that may have been introduced. Consider joining a Lamaze class again, now that you may have forgotten much of the exercise routine. Discussing your experiences with other second-time mothers in your friend circle will further ease your tensions. So sit back, relax, enjoy your motherhood, and welcome the new baby in this earth cheerfully.

Second Pregnancy - What to Expect
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Apurva Shree is an expert who writes on issues related to pregnancy, types of pregnancy and niche subjects such as second pregnancy. Read more articles by this author on pregnancy-period

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Send a Card Celebrating a Birth - What Do I Say?

When is it appropriate to send a celebration of a birth card? Of course you would want to send the card as soon as you hear the good news. Certainly if you sent a card within a 30-60 day window, that would be appropriate. And of course, the best way to communicate your feelings is with physical greeting card that the proud new parents can keep in a baby scrapbook of memories. An eCard is not recommended for the celebration of this life event.

Who should you send a congratulations card to? Any close friend, business associate or relative. Cards can be sent to new mothers, the couple, grandparents and even great-grandparents. Celebrating a new life in a family is big news. And, it is just as important to send a birth announcement to a couple that has just welcomed their second or next child as well. Each child is special to the family.

After selecting just the right card, you will want to add a little personal note. Here are some ideas to choose from:

Send a Card Celebrating a Birth - What Do I Say?

" Congratulations on the birth of your ____ (son, daughter). We wish you the best."

" We were so thrilled to hear the great news of the birth of your child. Congratulations!"

" We join in you in welcoming a new member of your family. Blessings on you and yours at this special time."

If this is a second child, you might want to reference and acknowledge the first child as well with wording like:

"We welcome your new son to the world and hope that big brother Bob enjoys having a new baby brother."

"Congratulations on your new baby, she will benefit from having her big brother Bob to watch over her."

What if the birth is not a typical situation. Here are some ways to convey your thoughts to friends.

Adoption - This is a big event to the new parents. Sending a congratulations card is welcomed and appropriate.

" We were so happy to hear about the new member of your family. Congratulations on your new son."

" Best wishes to the new mom and dad."

Single parent - Rejoice and focus on the positive.

" Congratulations on birth of your daughter. We celebrate with you."

" Best wishes to you and your child, we are thinking of you."

Child with a birth defect. - The important thing to remember is that God doesn't make mistakes. You should celebrate this child as an important event.

" Congratulations on the birth of your son, Adam. We welcome him into world with love."

" We celebrate with you in the joy of the arrival of a new member of your family."

" God bless you and your family as you celebrate a new life."

A congratulatory card should be simple and heartfelt. This is a big life event and your friends will always remember that you took the time to show that you cared.

If you are having difficulty finding the right words, put yourself in the new mother's shoes and ponder on what she would want to hear. I hope this article was useful and that you will print and save it for future reference.

Send a Card Celebrating a Birth - What Do I Say?
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Karen Miller makes it a habit to send at least five cards to friends and family every day. Learn more about how to use greeting cards to connect to one another and enrich lives with positive messages. Create your own personal card

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History of Surrogate Motherhood

The history of surrogate motherhood goes back to biblical times. In fact, some people say it dates back to Sarah and Abraham. Certain people say that it started even before them, and that it is only recorded about Abraham because he was written about in the Bible. In many countries, surrogacy has been around since before records. Many cultures have belief systems that abide with the rules of surrogacy and those that do not agree can be thrown out of their families. Numerous religions and civilizations will actually celebrate the surrogate mothers, for their good deeds and service to others. During the 1980's surrogate mothers were used by the gay community to build their families, then, it was frowned upon by society.

The American Indians were the first ones to truly begin the surrogate mother history in this part of the world. So we are looking back to the 1899's for the beginning of this part of the story. If an Indian woman was found to be infertile, then her husband would go to the chief of his tribe and ask for help. He would then be sent to see the medicine man, who would give the wife certain herbal concoctions. Then, after the witch doctor said nothing could be done to help his wife, the husband would go to see the chief. He would be allowed to take another woman and make her pregnant, hopefully, so that he would be able to father a son to carry on his tribe. The barren wife would have no relations with the child. He would stay with his birth mother.

The American Indians were not the only civilization to use surrogate mothers to carry on the family name and bloodline. Back in recent European history it has been heard of, especially in Spain for kings to take in several surrogate mothers until he was born a son. The surrogate mother of the child would then become nanny to all of the royal children. The children would believe themselves to be genetically related to the king and queen. Never knowing the truth. Obviously, things like this were kept secret, because if not, questions would be asked about their right to the throne.

History of Surrogate Motherhood

Nowadays, we are lucky that due to technological breakthroughs in this field of science a woman can feel safe in the knowledge that even though another woman is carrying her child, her husband or partner has had no physical relations with the surrogate mother. Such things have, in the past, caused battles and feuds between the people involved and it is quite understandable. The technological solution has saved an awful lot of heartache for many families.

In America, the very first surrogacy agency was opened by a lawyer named Noel Keane back in the late 1970's to early 1980's. He went on to create many more agencies that abided by the surrogacy arrangement laws. Since then, there have been more than 30,000 births due to the surrogacy arrangement laws. Society obviously feels that surrogacy is a viable solution to infertile women and gay men. There will always be those who criticise but if they could only look at it from a different angle, they just might see something different and even end up with a different viewpoint.

History of Surrogate Motherhood
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Ashley Kate is the publisher of Surrogate Motherhood website. The site offers information on becoming a surrogate mother.

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How to Stop Breastfeeding in 3 Steps

I'm a little disgusted by how little information there is on the internet about breastfeeding.

Oh, yeah, there's plenty about how great breastfeeding is, tips, tricks, and stats on how horrible of a mother you are if you don't do it. Yep, our kids are going to be delinquents because we're not dedicated to art of breastfeeding for life. Give me a break!

I could find hardly anything on the internet about stopping breastfeeding. This is a pretty important topic because so many things have to happen for the end of breastfeeding to be a smooth transition. I've taken notes on my own experience so I can share the information with other mothers. Consolidated down, my approach for stopping breastfeeding can be done in three easy steps.

How to Stop Breastfeeding in 3 Steps

1. Start by eliminating a feed a day. I started with the after lunch snack, then lunch, then dinner, night snack, then breakfast. Give your child a bottle or sippy cup with whatever breastmilk alternative you feel comfortable with. I used watered down goats milk in a NUK sippy cup. My son was almost 10 month old so I didn't think formula was necessary or desirable.

2. Don't be confusing. When you sit down to both nurse continue to do so in your normal place. This will help your baby feel comfortable and secure. Do not give your child a sippy cup alternative in your typical nursing place or position. This is confusing and will result in crying, frantic rooting, and you feeling like a heel (or giving in).

I found that sitting down with my son facing out (his back to my stomach) worked really well. He never nursed in this position (how could he?) so there was no confusion. The added distraction of a book on my knees helped keep him entertained while he drank his milk.

Also, it might be helpful to have someone other than you feed the baby in the morning. This was the hardest one for my son to take because he was used to snuggling into bed with me for breakfast and a cuddle. My husband doesn't smell like milk so James wasn't confused by a cuddle and a sippy cup from him.

3. Stay Comfortable. Feel your breasts as you eliminate feedings. If they feel very full, leaky, or hard then you might need to pump or express some milk. Don't pump so much you trigger let down. This will keep your milk supply going, which isn't what you want. Just make sure you are comfortable and you don't leave gallons of mik in your breasts.

One thing I started doing was a breast massage. I would get hard lumps in my breasts where the milk was in the ducts. I would gently massage the lumps in the shower until they softened up and dissipated. I did this in the shower because my breast would often leak while I was doing it.

Generally my breasts were sore and tender for about three weeks. My son transitioned very fast and now shows no confusion or disappointment about being handed a cup rather than a breast. I have increased the amount of mama time and book reading so he doesn't feel too cut off from me.

He is a little more of a mama's boy now and sometimes I'm the only one that can soothe a hurt or put him to sleep. I doubt this has anything to do with ending breastfeeding, but more to do with just general mom/baby bonding.

Honestly, our end to breastfeeding was much less traumatic than I was led to believe it would be. It was remarkable how little James seemed to care that he is now getting milk from some other source. His poo smells a little stronger, but other than that I can see no difference in his health or attitude.

Happy Freedom!

Leah Day

How to Stop Breastfeeding in 3 Steps
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Leah Day is a work at home mother who understands the realities of motherhood (and the lack of real, practical information on the internet). She has written a book, Moderation Parenting, about her experience becoming a mother. It can be found at [http://www.moderationparenting.com]

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What Is Motherhood?

When we think of a mother, what kind of a picture we get in our mind? A compassionate lady who will sacrifice all her comforts and will work ceaselessly in the home without expecting any monetary reward, only to take care of her children. Is this correct? Motherhood means sacrifice and pain from day one of conception. But this pain and sacrifice brings forward a beautiful feeling in a woman after she finds that her children are happy and healthy. That is the only reward she desires from her children. And that is motherhood.

This is true not only for humans but all mothers of the animal kingdom. A tigress will attack you and kill you if you dare to approach her cubs. Every animal mother teaches her young ones the art of living in their world. Every mother is ready to go to any length to save her young ones. A woman begins dreaming about her child soon after conception. Many expectant mothers talk to the yet to be born child. They feel totally comfortable doing that. They plan for the future of the kid, food, education, clothing, shelter everything. From the poorest to the richest mothers, we find that a sense of protecting her progeny is the most common trait.

For a mother, the child is her extension. This is not so for the fathers. But mothers treat the child as same as themselves. Why? Nature gives this love to a mother so that the specie continues. Mothers are special. In few studies it has been found that infants stop crying when they listen to the recorded sounds of their mothers womb. They were protected there and when they come out in the world, they are surprised with the difference. The sounds of womb tell them that things have still not changed so much and they feel comforted. That is one of the reasons why touch works wonders. The more a mother touches her children physically, the more loved they feel. They get the reassurance of the protection of the mother.

What Is Motherhood?

A child should always feel indebted to his/her mother because nobody else including the father sacrifices so much as the mother to bring us up. Mother is compassion and for a young kid, mother is God.

What Is Motherhood?
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Mohatta writes content for screensavers on http://www.screene.com. He also writes text for eCards for Love, birthday wishes and other topics.

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Signs and Symptoms of False Pregnancy

A false pregnancy refers to a situation when a woman has all the signs and symptoms of being pregnant, yet this woman is not pregnant. It is not common in humans, yet it does happen. However, it is mainly psychological. False pregnancies have been reported all throughout history. Hippocrates wrote about 12 women who he encountered as early as 300 B.C. Mary, Queen of Scots, is one of the most famous examples in history that reported that she was pregnant on several occasions and when the truth was discovered, she wasn't pregnant at all.

It is hard to distinguish the signs of a normal pregnancy from the signs of other medical conditions, which is why some women may actually believe they are pregnant. It is quite common for women to have irregular menstrual periods and to have some of the pregnancy symptoms as part of pre-menstrual syndrome. This includes having headaches, tender breasts and a bloated feeling in the stomach. If this continues on for any length of time, a woman could actually convince herself that she is pregnant, even to the point of having morning sickness. In this case the pregnancy is psychosomatic and exists only in the mind. At one time, before the age of ultrasounds and other advanced diagnostic tests, doctors would diagnose a woman as being pregnant based on the symptoms she reported. When the urine test turned out to be negative, the doctor often thought that perhaps the lady was not far enough along for the pregnancy to show up.

In many women, the abdomen actually grows in size so that they actually look pregnant. It is believed that this is due to a build up of gas or fluid. Through surgery or other medical treatments once this situation is resolved, the abdomen goes back to its normal size. Women who are desperately trying to conceive and who have a history of irregular menstrual cycles often think that they feel life inside the womb, very similar to that of fetal movements in a normal pregnancy. This movement is the normal bowel movements of gas throughout the body and sometimes it can be mistaken for a fluttering if you are not sure if you are pregnant or not.

Signs and Symptoms of False Pregnancy

Psychologists say that women who do have the notion they are pregnant are often going through emotional turmoil. It could be the result of a desire to have a baby or an intense fear of being pregnant. It could be wishful thinking when the woman thinks that having a baby will resolve the conflict she and her partner are experiencing in their relationship and will help to keep them together as a couple.

Because there is no underlying physical reason for a person to believe she is pregnant, there is no one medication to help resolve the condition. In the case of irregular periods, medication can help regulate the menstrual cycles. However, in most other cases the only treatment is counselling from a psychotherapist trained to deal with such a situation. The one treatment that is successful is for the woman to have an ultrasound where she can see the screen and will see that there is no baby in the womb.

Signs and Symptoms of False Pregnancy
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For more information on false pregnancy, pregnancy after 40 and spotting in pregnancy visit http://www.Pregnancy-Period.com

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My Ashley - A Poem Written For My Daughter Before Her Wedding Day

I rarely write poetry--only when inspired by something that deeply affects me. In this one, it is my only daughter--Ashley Shannon. And if there are two things that inspire feelings in me, they are my daughter and my son. Well, my little girl's not so little anymore. She's getting married. As my children grew up, it was basically the 3 of us against the world. But we made it--together. And now, she's got a fiance whom she'll soon marry, making him an official part of our family. I love her and want the best for her, although in my eyes, she'll always be my little girl. So I wrote this the morning of her bridal shower to go in her card, and read it aloud because she couldn't make it through aloud. Very few dry eyes remained after I read this simple little set of stanzas. And she will always be, "My Ashley."
 
My Ashley
 
My darling daughter, Ashley,
I just want you to know
wherever your life takes you,
my heart shall also go.

When I learned that you were coming,
it was a wonderful night!
But little did I know, my child,
you'd become my guiding light.

I held you and I raised you,
kissing life's pains away;
but now there'll be another
starting with your wedding day.

My Ashley - A Poem Written For My Daughter Before Her Wedding Day

So go into the world, my love,
and chase all the joy you can.
Just remember you're still mine, dear Ash.
I'm just sharing you with that man.

I wish you all life's happiness, love,
though now it's with another.
But always remember--never forget,
no one will ever love you...like your mother.

Best wishes with all my heart, Mom

My Ashley - A Poem Written For My Daughter Before Her Wedding Day
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© Shannon Smith Harwell

Shannon Smith Harwell is a former Supermom who now enjoys freelance writing, business consulting, and helping clients plan their cruise vacations. When she's not bogged down with a million things to do trying to give her kids the best opportunities possible, she loves taking occasional naps (ahh!). She raised and home schooled two successful children singlehandedly while getting her honors degree day and night, working full time, and coaching at least two sports-one for each child-simultaneously year-round. But at the end of the day, she's just "Mom" and that's the best title of all.

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Pregnancy - The Top Twenty Things You Should Know

Pregnancy is an exciting stage in a woman's life. It is the time when a woman undertakes a big responsibility to care for a new life that grows inside her. This whole journey lasts for 40 weeks, thus every woman should know the top twenty things about pregnancy. Whether it is your first time to get pregnant or you have been pregnant, it is a must that you know these things because these will greatly influence your ability to bring about the best for your baby.

Pregnancy Signs and Symptoms

If you are pregnant, you will experience some of these pregnancy signs and symptoms: nausea or morning sickness, headaches, dizziness and fainting spells, mood swings, fatigue, food cravings, tender or swollen breasts, and missed period.

Pregnancy - The Top Twenty Things You Should Know

Pregnancy Test

Once you have experienced those signs and symptoms, you can undergo a pregnancy test to confirm your pregnancy. You can do this yourself since various pregnancy test kits are available over-the-counter or you can go to a clinic that offers this test.

Prenatal Visit

After you confirmed that you are pregnant, you can schedule an appointment with your preferred obstetrician. During your first prenatal visit, information like the first day of your last menstrual period and your expected date of delivery will be given to you. Pregnancy vitamins will also be prescribed and you will be scheduled for a monthly prenatal visit to monitor your baby's development.

Other Tests and Procedures

Aside from the pregnancy test, you will also have to undergo other tests and procedures like urine test, complete blood count, blood type, Rh factor, and antibody screening, hepatitis B testing, ultrasound, and fetal monitoring.

Pregnancy Stages

There are actually three stages that you will have to go through during the entire course of your pregnancy: the first trimester, the second trimester, and the third trimester. In each stage, you will notice some changes in your body as your baby develops inside and you will even experience pregnancy discomforts.

Nutritional Needs

As a pregnant woman, you have to know your nutritional needs. Take note that birth complications and abnormalities can arise from pregnancy malnutrition. So, you should eat a well-balanced diet and make sure that you take the vitamins prescribed by your doctor.

Family Medical History

It is also important that you know your family medical history to enhance preparedness. This can help you prepare for the possible illnesses and birth abnormalities that your baby can be at risk of. This can also help you determine if there is a chance for you to conceive twins or triplets.

Present Medical Conditions

You should also discuss your present medical conditions to your doctor like high blood pressure and diabetes. This can help you prevent pregnancy complications.

Pregnancy Hazards

If you are exposed to environmental hazards at work or at home, this can increase the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, and deformities in your baby. So, make sure that you are not exposed to any of these like paint vapor during your pregnancy.

Weight Gain

Weight gain is expected during pregnancy because of your baby's development. However, it is not advisable that you exceed the recommended weight gain because being overweight can increase your risk of diabetes and hypertension.

Pregnancy Discomforts

You will experience pregnancy discomforts all throughout your pregnancy. These however, vary from woman to woman, so make sure that you are aware of these and know their corresponding remedies.

Potential Problems and their Symptoms

Although most women have normal pregnancies with minor discomforts and no complications, it is important that you know the symptoms for potential problems like vaginal bleeding, pelvic or abdominal pain, swelling of the hands and feet, and no fetal movement. These symptoms could lead to miscarriage, ecclampsia, and stillbirth if ignored.

Pregnancy Do's and Don'ts

The do's and don'ts are different for each woman and each pregnancy. It is best that you discuss this with your doctor.

Exercise

Exercise during pregnancy is recommended for most women, but only at a moderate speed. Walking, in particular, is highly recommended because this can help your body withstand the rigors of labor and delivery more easily.

Birthing Class

Birthing class, which is considered a ritual of modern pregnancy, gives you and your spouse a chance to prepare together for the big day of labor.

Birthing Option and Place

Prior to your due date, you should discuss your birthing option, whether vaginal or caesarean delivery, to your obstetrician. You should also check the place where you will deliver your baby and see if it will be comfortable for you.

Labor

As your due date draws near, you would want to know exactly when labor will start. It would be best that you understand the whole process of labor and its different stages.

Baby's Name

Before the arrival of your baby, perhaps you already have a name in mind. If you still don't have, you can check books or online for babies names or ask your relatives and friends for suggestions.

Baby Things

During your pregnancy, you can keep yourself busy by preparing all the baby things that you need. Shopping for these items with your husband would be better because this would be a great bonding time for both of you.

Basic Childcare

While taking care of the unborn child is important during pregnancy, this time also gives you the best opportunity to learn about basic childcare. You should know beforehand the best possible care and nutrition that you can give to your baby.

Pregnancy is indeed a challenging stage characterized by both anxiety and excitement. However, by learning these top twenty things that you should know about pregnancy, you can have the best of this journey and be on your way to a fruitful motherhood.

Pregnancy - The Top Twenty Things You Should Know
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How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend

Is it possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex and not be romantically involved with them? The answer is yes. Stereotypically, we may think if a guy and a girl spend time together more than they do with their other friends, then something more than just the usual friendship is going on between them. But in a world of so much open-mindedness and equitableness, that is our world, this no longer needs a powwow.

Here are some tips that I find useful since my best friend is also a guy. He gives me all the reasons to fall in love with him, since he is so the ideal type, but I try my best to always have my counter strikes. I choose not to; I want not to.

1. START YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH THE END IN MIND. It is important that you, on the very onset of your friendship, set your mind that your best friend will always be your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. The 'mind over matter' rule could still apply. Make a personal rule that it is forbidden to entertain any thoughts regarding your best friend being your ideal partner, or else, you will always hold on to that mental note and eventually, label him as an ideal partner not as a best friend. Whenever your mind accidentally crosses that line, shake it off as soon as you can.

How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend

2. CHOOSE NOT BE ATTRACTED. It is normal and sometimes inevitable to be attracted to your best friend. But of course, you have become the best of friends because you have seen qualities in each other that you find fascinating or plainly, attractive. So, don't feel so bad or sheepish whenever you feel attracted but learn to go back to reality. Whenever you see his best side, humorously divert your attention to his worst side. It helps. From being the good looking, almost perfect best friend to his eccentricity of burping like a frog, or farting like a pro, if there is such.

3. VERBALIZE HOW YOU SEE HIM AS YOUR BROTHER (OR A SISTER IF YOU'RE A GUY!). This is again for your own sake. It is to season your mind that there is a red line between liking him and loving him like your sibling. Call him brother all the time. Associate him with your real brother, if you have one. Having a male best friend is so special and gratifying, because you could always ask him a male's point of view regarding anything, for free. It is expedient to run to him for an advice regarding your personal issues, whether this is regarding your relationship with other people, or sometimes, economic issues, to draw the line that he is, indeed, your brother who could help you, even in the most non-romantic ways.

4. BE EMBARRASSED WITH THE POSSIBILITY. I suggest that you keep the cattiness, at least, just to not fall for your best friend. Just imagine how he could totally turn away from you, 360 degrees, if he finds out you are engrossing yourself with imaginations of things friends are not supposed to do. Well, technically, I would not know how on earth will he find out that he is involved in your phantasm, but just imagine how awkward would that make him feel that at some point, you have envisioned him being idealistically linked to you, in not so wholesome manner. Imagine how that would make you feel, too!

5. FINALLY, CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM AS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Personally, I could give my life for my best friend. I could give anything for him. There were moments when I would actually ponder if I was attracted to him in some other ways or if it was more of being overwhelmed that I actually have a man in my life who cares and loves me like his own blood sister, even if I am not his family. That is just way too much of a deluge sometimes. A man who is so good to you and so believes in you like no other men do. Minus all the sexual thoughts and intentions. That is, let me say it again, overwhelming, nowadays.

I was inspired to write this because honestly, I have been bothered by my having a guy best friend. Not really bothered by the relationship itself but how people around us see it. He would tell me how his brother asked him if he ever courted me, or how his father would sometimes throw wisecracks at him regarding me as his just friend, or how my sisters would tease me every time I mention his name. I chose to be his best friend and that's what forever I will be. Again, it is a decision, not merely an emotion. The fact is, he is everything that I would like my eternal companion to be- brainy, expressive, outspoken, artistic, hilarious and pompous, in a good way...but he is my best friend. For once in my life, I was able to find a very solid friendship founded on trust, confidence and love and I do not want to, even if this is just speaking theoretically, to ruin this one precious, oh-so-good-thing that I have with him, just because of my dopey and mindless self-professed feelings. Never. I know in my heart that both our intentions towards each other are always, chaste and objective. I will never ever fall in love with my best friend.

How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend
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I have always been taught to keep a journal. Having and keeping one will always give us the freedom to write all our emotions, both pleasant and not. These real-life experiences that we go through everyday are the best teacher, far better than any other self-help books or the most acclaimed movies. The learning does not just stop when you write them, it continues when you share it with other people. We are our own authors. Let's all write our stories well.

Anna Lorraine Miranda-Baysa is a 30-year-old mother of two and currently lives in Makati City, Philippines. She has been a constant journal-keeper for more than a decade, thus, enhancing her love for writing feature articles. She had served as a Features Editor in high school, a Contributor in their college schoolpaper as well as in their Church Institute Newspaper. Other than this, she worked as a disc jockey/ newscaster in a local radio station for five years. As a fledgling writer, she would like to concentrate on topics of Photography, Motherhood, Friendship and Love. She is currently working on her very first novel,too.

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