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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Overcoming Emotional Abuse

I swore at the age of sixteen that I would never be a mother, never put a child through the things I had suffered. Now, just over ten years later, I am a mother to three children. The road I traveled has been long and hard, and I'm not finished covering all of the distance I would like to, but I am proud to say that I am on the road to change, and that it is possible.

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Most people know that children who grow up in a physically abusive household wind up living in a similar place as adults. Less talked about is the trauma of emotional and verbal abuse. Although my situation was not as bad as it could have been, thankfully, it was worse than it could have been. My mother never seriously injured my sister or myself when she was angry, but nor were her spankings simple disciplinary action. Amazingly, worse than the hitting were the words.

For years, I struggled with the concept that I could never do anything right. I was told that I was stupid, slow, useless, and, well, couldn't do anything right. No matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to please my mother. Years later, I can recognize many influencing factors in our relationship - she was a single mom who grew up feeling unloved in her family, and had a terrible temper - and can also recognize the steps she is taking to do better with my significantly younger brother. At the time, however, the problem never seemed to be with her - it was always with me. It was always my fault.

Overcoming Emotional Abuse

My teen years were difficult, to say the least, and I wound up suicidal, acting out in ways to damage myself physically and emotionally. It was only after I moved away from home and - don't roll your eyes - 'got religious' that I came to realize my true worth as a person.

I wish I could say that after I realized my Heavenly Father loved me, everything was okay, but it wasn't. It took several years after that to stop trying to hurt myself emotionally. But one thing I realized is that motherhood is - or can be - a blessing. And though I don't advise motherhood as a cure, my greatest changes started the day my daughter was born, when I realized that I really did need to shape up.

My daughter is five, and I am far from perfect. I am ashamed to admit that there are times when I feel the words "stupid" on my tongue - but I know the damage and don't say that. I struggle to remember that she is only three...four...five, that she is not intentionally antagonizing me but behaving with the thoughtlessness that comes from being so young.

I'm not perfect, but I have hope.

And, unlike my own mother, I love being a mommy.

Overcoming Emotional Abuse

This article has been submitted in affiliation with http://www.BabyNameVote.Com/ which is a site for Baby Names.

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Motherhood Survival Tips

No matter what stage in a child's life you are dealing with, it comes with its own adventures:

Babies with all their new challenges-How DOES that food you fed baby mysteriously "reappear" at the most inopportune times?

Toddlers and the "terrible twos" that seem to go on forever-

Motherhood Survival Tips

Preschool,

School age,

And lest we forget-those teenage years! Gotta love 'em! (No, really, I think it's a law or something!) Anyway, that one word says it all!

My personal tips and ideas about motherhood to help survive child rearing, being a mom and just trusting that somehow, with all your best attempts, you'll one day have adult children that won't write a book about you, are as follows:
The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Teach them to think about how the other person feels, and bring it up often to them. When you see a situation where someone has made someone feel hurt or left out, even if your child isn't involved, discuss the situation and how the person must feel. Make your "yes" mean yes and your "no" mean no. If you tell them to do something, follow up and make sure they do it. If you have said "no", don't just let it go if they do it anyway. There will be times when it is important that they follow your instruction immediately, so you don't want to be "wishy -washy". As a mother, don't shame them in front of everyone by yelling at them. No one else likes to listen to you yell either. Take them to the side, or if need be to a restroom or outside to scold them. As soon as possible after scolding or saying no, explaining "why" goes a long way in not having to tell them again. The action may not be repeated (notice I say "may" not) if the child has some understanding as to what they did wrong and what effect it might have on other people. Even some simple explanation at a young age starts sinking in quicker than you think. Most importantly, make sure that your children are raised with a higher authority to answer to. If they don't have that knowledge that they someday will have to answer for what they have done, they aren't worried about what they do.

No matter which stage you are dealing with, always remember:

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Motherhood Survival Tips

Periann Sharpe's website, http://www.Here-At-Home.com is an online provider of homebusiness ideas, sitebuilding tips, parenting tips, shopping, recipes and maybe a few laughs along the way!

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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Unmarried Mothers' Child Custody Rights

An unmarried mother may feel like she has less custody resources than a divorced mother. However, unmarried mothers should be aware that they have many legal avenues they can pursue to protect their child custody rights. Here are some of the custody rights that an unmarried mother has and ways that she can stand up for those rights.

An unmarried mother has the right to have the support of the child's father. Just because a woman never married the father doesn't mean that he has no obligations to the child. The first step to getting the father involved is establishing paternity. If the father of the child signed an acknowledgment form when the child was born or anytime after, then paternity has been established. If a father who has acknowledged paternity isn't helping with the child, the mother simply has to file for child support and child custody and a custody case ensues. The father will be obligated to pay child support, and possibly back child support. However, a mother should know that the father also has custody and visitation rights to the child. He may want to be more involved in the child's life and he is legally allowed to do so.

Motherhood

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If a man hasn't acknowledged paternity, an unmarried mother can file a paternity claim. This is simple to do (look for details at your local courthouse) and it requires that the man take a paternity test. This is a simple DNA test. If the man is found to be the father of the child, he has the choice to sign an acknowledgement form. If he won't sign the form, the case goes to court. It is highly unlikely that a man won't sign the form if the DNA test if positive because he then has to prove to the court how he still isn't the father.

Unmarried Mothers' Child Custody Rights

Once the paternity has been established the father may be willing to work out a child custody agreement and may want to help support the child. It's great if both parents can work together to come up with an arrangement for custody and visitation. However, if the father is unwilling to work with the mother, she can file for custody and take him to court. This will guarantee that she gets child support payments.

There are too many cases where unmarried mothers don't get paid the proper amount of child support. If the father of your child isn't prompt with payments, don't deny him visitation (if visitation is part of the arrangement). These are two separate issues and it is better if the mother doesn't retaliate. Rather, the mother should go to court because the father is in contempt of court for not paying child support. (This is also why it's important to get everything sorted out legally and not just take the father's word that he'll pay. If the child support is a custody order there are legal repercussions for not paying.) There are also options of garnishing the father's wages to make sure he pays.

An unmarried mother should never feel like she has no child custody rights. She should learn as much as she can about the custody process so that she can protect her rights. This will help her raise the child in the best possible circumstances.

Unmarried Mothers' Child Custody Rights

Discover how Custody X Change can help you stand up for your mother's child custody rights and also how it helps you work out unmarried child custody.

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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Celtic Motherhood Symbol

In Celtic tradition matri-lineal or ancestry was surprisingly passed down through the mother's line and not through the father. In light of this the most important male in the family would be considered the oldest kin or relative of the mother, perhaps an uncle rather than a grandfather as there may not have existed a lineage to her through a grandfather. Any important bloodline in this culture would have come through the Celtic mother and this tie to the mother was so tight that her sister's children would have been considered siblings to her own children instead of cousins.

Celtic motherhood demanded the utmost reverence and admiration and in fact rape was considered a crime of the absolute highest severity. Rape was not pardonable and the punishment meted out was very serious and afforded absolutely no leniency.

Motherhood

Land was owned communally and wealth was dependent on the size of their cattle herds. Women were considered equal to men and were allowed to own their own property, choose their own husbands and go to war. In fact Celtic women were allowed to divorce and gain their husbands property if he was unable to perform his marital duties.

Celtic Motherhood Symbol

With this in mind the Celts had their own form of child rearing, they left it to someone else to do and many of their offspring were in fact raised by foster parents.

Celtic traditions and Mother Goddesses
Celtic traditions can be traced as far back as 3,000 years and today many people are becoming more and more attracted to them. Celtic traditions are steeped and grounded in harmony with nature and the environment, something many New Age advocates practice today and it is with thanks to these ecologically aware people who are in tune with nature that the ancient Celtic traditions are being shared and kept alive. In fact the only way traditions can die or be forgotten is if people cease to honor and practice them.

The Mother Goddess is a common feature in Celtic religion and many dedications remain on record that show Celtic mothers either as a single entity or in groups of three often holding a cornucopia of fruit. Women were also depicted as full breasted figures who were nursing infants.

Mother Goddesses were used as symbols of creativity, birth, fertility, and nurturing, sexual union or even sovereignty while at other times they can be seen depicting punishment. Their children can also be seen as either helpful to the community or dangerous and the circumstances of their birth may have lead to curses or hardship.

However, while many mother goddesses fulfill roles in the symbolism of the Celts, they aren't limited to motherhood only. Quite often tales about them mention their having had children in passing only, so motherhood cannot be seen as being a central facet to their identity. In Celtic symbolism, Mother Goddesses were also Goddesses of warfare, healing and crafts.

Celtic Motherhood Symbols
One of the well-known symbols is the Celtic knot motherhood which has the appearance of two hearts one of which is lower than the other and both hearts are intertwined into one unbroken knot. If children were added to the symbol they were represented by dots, one per child which were placed anywhere either inside or outside the motherhood symbol.

Another Celtic Motherhood symbol is the Triple Mother Goddess symbol also known in ancient Britain as "Matres Domesticae". This symbol does not depict one goddess but three feminine forces combined to make the mother goddess symbol. Three was a number that held mystical significance for the Celts as they believed that the trinity of these figures held powerful magic.

This Celtic Triple Mother Goddess shows the trinity holding symbols from the harvest or from the hunt, in a more tame state; this is a figure of a good harvest and health. The Triple Mother Goddess symbol also symbolizes the three stages of life, representing crone, mother and maiden and their coming together signified the power of unity.

The triple Mother Goddess symbol is considered to be a significant Celtic symbol of motherhood as the Celts believed that the mother goddess is the highest symbol of the child-mother relationship.

Celtic Motherhood Symbol

Tim Lazaro is a Celtic Symbols enthusiast. Visit All About Celtic Symbols for tips on Celtic Symbolism and other tips you can use right now to gain a deep understanding of Celtic Design and Symbols.

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